Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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