I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
