Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
