The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
