He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
