well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
