i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
