i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
