I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
