party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
