True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
