Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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