Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
