Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
