I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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