before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
