so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
