You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
