I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
