Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
