Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
