He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
