Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
