I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
