I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
