I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
