i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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