Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and i looked up. we had an audience...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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