The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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