i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
