There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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