Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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