U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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