if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
