It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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