Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
