She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
