he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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