I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
