My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
