it hurts more in the daytime
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
