I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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