Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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