Don't you send me to vm
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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