i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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