don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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