Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
