this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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