I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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