On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
